Friday, November 9, 2012

Living a memory.

I wish I could be more upbeat with my memory but I'm feeling a little introspective and melancholy tonight.  I'm worried about tomorrow and thinking about all the ways I have tried and "failed" over the years.

When I was a senior in college I took a water aerobics class for the easy A and for the PE credit.  I was excited about the class.  It was a good way to get my workout in and I didn't have to look at myself in the mirror like in aerobics, yoga or other dance classes.

Then I got mono at the start of the semester, and it wasn't a little case of mono... I really thought I was going to die.

The inflammation in my spleen made the doctors act overly cautious and I could only do a third of what the water aerobics class called for.  So I got my only C in college because my stupid immune system picked that moment to catch mono.

I felt like such a failure and, at the same time, I couldn't have cared less.  My pretty awesome academic record was tarnished by that one stupid C and yet... I'm proud that I got through it.

I still feel like a failed.  I should have found a way around the participation to get the B I needed to have all A's and B's on my transcript.  I should have done more to plead my case.

It' a weird thing to think about how I felt seeing that grade.  Proud that I was done with college, depressed to see the C and angry that I let my body win.

It's weird the pressures we put on ourselves.

Tomorrow I run my 5th 5k and do a master class and Jam session with my Zumba family.

If I never post again, I loved you all and you can fight over my stuff.

Kthx!

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