30 days...

So NHBPM draws to a close. My recap for the month - this was harder than expected. I found myself feeling like a broken record but its helped to solidify many of my thoughts and convictions about my thyroid, my PCOS, my weight and my overall health.

It also got me thinking about why I started blogging in the first place. Tomorrow I refocus on my initial plan - simplification.

Finances. Nutrition. Exercise. Social life. All the things I've been working on and not talking about as much.

I also want to get in to talking about the great books I've been reading. I want to try to be more interactive. I want to bring in guest posters to talk about their journey in simplification of their lives.

I want to be about whole body, mind and soul health and simplicity.

Time to refocus and get ready for 2014 before it gets here and flies by without a change.

2013 and beyond... and Ow! My jaw!

If I could accomplish anything in 2013 it would be ...

Man, talk about a loaded prompt. My goals and aspirations are many but if I had to pick one thing I want to accomplish in 2013 it would be getting under 200 pounds.

Yes, it's an arbitrary number but losing 70+ pounds in a year would be huge for me. I lose weight so slowly and to average 6 pounds a month would be an incredible success for me both mentally and physically. About 1.5 pounds a week. It's not a lot to ask. 

I'm trying so hard to get out of my own way, to stop psyching myself out and to own my own power and successes but I swear every time I get close to a goal - whether weight, work, financial or personal - I screw it up and set myself back. 

I would love to see 2013 be the year I stop fearing success and just enjoy the fruits of my labor. 

That said, lets talk about my doctor appoinment from yesterday.

I caught a sinus infection the Saturday after my birthday, then got worse the day after Veterans Day. Tuesday made one month of my ears hurting. I finally went to see the ENT.

The problem is not my ears this time. No redness, no fluid, nothing wrong.  My ears are dry - apparently I don't create enough ear wax and I have TMD/TMJ.

FREAKING LOCKJAW! 

Ok, so it's not a horrible thing and it makes sense now but the only thing I can do for the TMD to get better is go on a solid food diet for the next two weeks. 

Soft foods. Christ. I was just getting used to my current lower carb, no sweets diet. Now I have to stop eating things like steak and anything harder than a soft roll. 

Wahhhhh. 

Some of my Facebook friends gave me good suggestions about healthier soft food options and I'm going to have to do a lot of cooking this weekend. I still need help, though! 

What are some of your favorite soft food recipes? Hints and tips for not getting bored with the same consistency for the next 2 weeks? 

Tomorrow - a recap of the nutritional conversation with my ENT and why I now am self conscious about my ears...

This aggression will not stand...

A. I gained 3.8 pounds over Thanksgiving.  This is unacceptable and also shocking as I really didn't eat that poorly.  Super back on plan today 100 oz of water, under WW points and I'm going to b using GoMeals today to see my carb/protein/fat split.  I may take the time to go back and input the last week of data to see if maybe my fat or carbs were just seriously out of whack.  We shall see.

B. That's more or less how I deal with today's NHBPM prompt - how do I deal with bullies/trolls/snake oil salesman.  I have lost all tolerance for people who talk down to people based on stereotypes and preconceived notions. I may deal with it in real life a little less aggressively than I do on the internet but I always make it known that I have heard, seen or otherwise know that someone is being a jerk and that they need to quit their crap.

In real life I've gotten very good at giving someone an evil eye or just staring at them with a "go ahead, say something" glare when I hear the tell tale snickers or see the finger pointing.  Which, by the way, is something I don't get.  What happened to manners?  Anyway.  When I actually hear the comments I have gotten very good about straight up saying "Look, I've lost an entire YOU in my weight loss journey while fighting against my body every step of the way.  Your snickering and pointing and laughing are dually noted and only serve to prove what a jerk you are.  Have a lovely day." Sometimes, if the person is a real jerk that is laced with profanity, but the sentiment remains.

I'm also totally comfortable with telling people that they don't know what they're talking about.  I have no patience for anyone who thinks they can tell me they know all the answers.  People who look at me and say "You need to eat more celery because it's a negative calorie food," or "If you only drink green tea your body will readjust and you'll lose weight super fast" often get a head pat before I shake my head and walk away but, more often than not, I tell them why they are wrong and that they are morons.  

I've learned that even though I don't WANT to be direct and evil that's the only way to really deal with people and so I do it.  People want to be mean and judgemental, that's fine, I'm just not going to let them do it in front of me anymore.  

Evolution of goals

So, yesterday will be one of my get out of posting free cards. Not because I didn't want to post or I was too busy but because I hurt my calf, took a muscle relaxer and human sentences were not possible. Sorry, folks.

Today's prompt - how have your goals evolved/changed is an interesting one.

I think the biggest change is that my goals have become more concrete and less about numbers and more about truly measurable/visible tangible things.

I no longer want to be thin or weigh 160 pounds or less - I want to be able to shop for clothes in normal clothing stores, not have to go plus size specialty stores for everything. 

I no longer want to have a healthy BMI.  I want to be strong and fit - able to bench press 100 pounds, do full push ups, be able to do burpees with correct form, run a sub 30 5k.

The reason for the shift in my goals is the realization that, as a patient with thyroid issues and PCOS I can't hold myself to standards like BMI - they may never apply to me as healthy is going to look different on me. 

Giving Thanks

I've been participating in a month of thanks a long with many other people on twitter and facebook and I feel  the need to continue the trend here.  And not JUST because that's one of the NHBPM prompts, things need to be said.

To the health and fitness blogging community at large - Thank you for lifting me on the days when the world seems darkest.

Days like today, when the whole world is centered on food, I find myself feeling lost and scared.  Food shouldn't make anyone feel like that, but it totally does.  And there are people out here in the wilds of cyberspace that totally get it, and get me and the feel the same stress that I was feeling going in to today.

I did it though, I survived, and part of that reason was all the amazing words of support, wisdom and humor from my blogging friends over the last week.  HECK I even survived 7 days of no sweets because of the support from y'all.  Thank you!

Then I want to say a few specific thanks

To Mrs. Fatass - When I met her briefly almost 2 years ago I had no idea that she and I would become such good friends.  I feel totally honored to dance beside her, hang out with her, travel with her, and make an utter fool of ourselves together.  She's kind, open, honest, generous and an absolute hoot to have a drink or two with.  She's become part of my family over the last year... I can't imagine not having her by my side going forward! Trio Fitness happened because she believed we had the power to do it.  She's totally Trio Fitness' baby mama!

We're hot, we know it.

Then there is my Matt - Matt is my best friend, workout buddy, confidant, coworker and all around amazing guy.  Every time I have an idea, formulate a wild plan or evil scheme he's by my side saying LET'S DO THIS! He's held my hand through five 5k races, multiple Zumbathons, master classes and training weekends.  He is forever, my rock.  I don't know that I would be where I am personally or professionally without him by my side.  He's both the angel and the devil on my shoulder and I'd be lost without him. Every girl should have a best friend like Matt.  For serious.

He's so devious... and adorable!

And then there's my Sarah.  Sarah is the other part of Trio Fitness.  The less vocal of the three of us but only because she works so hard at work, school and Zumba that she doesn't have time to speak.  When I took my first Zumba class with her I had no idea that she would become one of my dearest friends.  I totally stalked her at first, I wanted to be her friend, but if I had known what I do know I would have been more aggressive so we could have bonded earlier.  We don't get to coteach as much any more as our schedules have changed and it's gotten harder to coordinate but every time we get together - whether in class or outside of it - good times are always had. She's one of my best friends and I consider her my sister.  We love each other, we get annoyed with each other but LOVE always comes first.

She's also so pretty she makes even me look good!

Today was a success in terms of food.  It could have been far, far worse.

Marshall and I went out to K&W Cafeteria with his folks for Thanksgiving brunch today.  A serving of turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes, peas, a soft roll and a slice of apple pie started Thanksgiving off right.  I was full, but not overly so, and because I had given up sweets for the 7 days leading up to Thanksgiving the apple pie was almost too sweet from the cinnamon sugar on top of it.  

After brunch had time to settle I started working on dinner and dessert.  I had been slow roasting two turkey roasts in the crock pot since late last night with onion and gravy.  So all I had to do was make the sides to go along with it.  I made mashed sweet potatoes (made with maple syrup which was genius) and sourdough stuffing with extra celery and onions.  Marshall made roasted butternut squash.  Then I heated up some yeast rolls.  

The big cooking event of the day was making pecan pie.  From scratch.  By myself.  With no help. EEk!

I also decided I wanted to add English toffee bits to the pie.  Just because.  In a little bit I'm going to heat it up and eat it with vanilla ice cream and a chocolate covered pecan as garnish.  

Then tomorrow - back on no sweets, basically.  I will allow myself to have a latte once a week but that's it.  I'm also considering a 7 day vacation from breads again.  But not until the Thanksgiving left overs are gone.

I hope everyone out there reading this has had an amazing Thanksgiving and is as filled with love as I am today.  I may be far away from my biological family but I am very blessed to have my chosen family right next to me today.

And tomorrow - Sarah, Sue and I will be dancing together in a Turkey Burn Master Class where we rock Sentao, Toning and Zumba for 90 minutes.  I can't wait!

Ch-ch-changes...

"I want to change THIS about healthcare..."

The focus on weight with regards to health. As a thyroid patient and a woman with PCOS I will ALWAYS have a problem with my weight.

I gain weight easily, it's hard for me to shed pounds and my weight fluctuates heavily from day to day. It's just so easy for my body to freak out and hold on to water weight, to hit a plateau, or to go against all reason and gain or lose weight when my calorie in versus calorie out equation says I should be doing the other.

You know what? My labs are freaking awesome. My blood pressure is normal, a little high when taken with an automatic cuff but even that's only slightly. My cholesterol is good. My HDL is a little low but I've made enough changes to my nutrition and started taking flaxseed and it's gone from 23 to 39 in a year. Thats genetics not bad nutrition or laziness. My glucose and A1C are perfect.  Perfect, not good, perfect.

And my cardiovascular system? Fit as a fiddle.

Quarterly I go visit a nurse for what they call Peak Health. They check my body fat, weight, blood pressure and talk to me about stress, nutrition and my overall wellness. Then they put you on a stationary bike and measure your pulse and blood pressure during moderate activity. As you reach certain benchmarks, you get higher discounts on your insurance. 

All of my labs are at level 5 levels. My readings on the bike are great, excellent fitness. But because of my weight I'm only a level 2. 

I don't expect to be a level 5 while still obese, but I would think everything I've done and the fact that all my other other health markers put me at a level 5 I should be rewarded in kind.

I get this from others places too. New doctors who think because of my weight I'm lazy and unhealthy.  

I know this is the case for other people too. Different health issues lead to varying pictures of health.

Will I ever be a size 2-4-6-8? Not likely. Aside from my health issues, I'm just good Irish breeding stock. I'm blessed with wide ribcage, shoulders and hips. I will, however keep fighting till my insides are as healthy as they can be. 

That should be the goal, not some weight related, one size fits all BMI bull hockey. Health. Inside and outside. 

My favorite blogs

Today's post ideas were either to write about why/why not health professionals should use social media or to post about someone I nominated for a Health Activist Award.  I drew a blank on the first and the second... I'm mulling over.  I want to nominate everyone for something!  So, I decided to do a wrap up of some of my favorite health/fitness blogs.  I may wind up nominating a ton of people for a ton of awards... because the fitness blogosphere is full of amazing, awesome, talented people who awe me on a daily basis.

First - the blog that introduced me to many of the other blogs I currently read.  Peanut Butter Fingers.  Did I mention that meeting Julie at Fitbloggin was like meeting Prince?  Because it totally was.  Her blog is awesome, full of healthy information, great workout ideas, and one of the most adorable dogs ever.

Next -  Gotta give love to my partner in crime, Mrs. Fatass.  Not only is her blog one of the most raw and honest blogs I've ever read, she's a laugh riot... when it's appropriate.  Also, very creative linguistics.

Then there's No Thanks to Cake. Another genuine, funny and fun blog about living the healthy life.  Even when her posts are on the sad side, I always feel uplifted by her sense of pride and purpose.  She rocks!

How about Redefining Kim.  Prepping for a figure competition, full time mom, eating disorder survivor and all around badass.  When I met her at Fitbloggin I was just drawn to her - she's just one of the nicest people I've ever met and I could, and did, talk to her forever!!  I'm glad to call her my friend and I stalk her blog like woah.

There's like 10000 more blogs I love but I am finally getting in to bed early.  This ear infection is finally clearing up and since I can hear again now even my typing hurts my poor ear drums!

Mean people suck...

  A post about dealing with negativity within the community.

Ok, easy enough... But I can't promise I will be very nice in this post. 

One if the worst aspects of the thyroid community is people who think they're being helpful and constructive when they point out your flaws or call you out for being overweight or underweight and have no understanding of what the hell is going on in your body.

And this is not just outsiders who come in trying to be helpful, but it also includes others in the community that think they have found the right answers regardless of what their specific type of thyroid issue is and will try to force their plan on everyone.

Thyroid disorder is incredibly complex and no one has all the answers and that one stop shop mentality can keep people from trying new things to try to feel healthy.

I would never tell someone with basic hypothyroidism that they need to take cytomel because it works for me it must work for everyone.  I would tell everyone to explore all of the options with their doctors but I would never push my medical plan on anyone else.

I also would never go in to a thyroid community and start telling people that because they don't do 8 hours of Zumba a week that they're fat by choice,  I see this happen all the time.  People saying if you don't do what I do you're lazy.  And that pisses me off.

A lot.

I see red when people disparage other people who are trying to make healthy decisions one step at a time.  People who do that infuriate me,  

Mean people suck even if they think they're being mean with a purpose. Be helpful or shut the hell up. kthx.

Facebook and sharing...

Should people post about their, or their loved ones health on Facebook/Social Media...

That's a tricky thing and something I've been thinking about a lot lately.  It's weird the way people can view, and misconstrue pieces of, our lives through the lens of social media.

I think that what we choose to put out there, whether on our blog, Twitter, or Facebook page is ultimately a personal decision.  I talk about my health, my workouts, my daily nutrition all the time.  It's kind of expected of me at this point, my students, my friends and my weight loss compatriots all share and we discuss and it's a large part of the community I find myself a part of.

I don't, however, talk about other people in that respect unless I have express permission.

I guess that comes as part of working in health care so long.  HIIPA! HIIPA! RAH, RAH, RAH! I feel awkward talking about other peoples health issues unless they tell me they want me to.

Heck, I have a hard time sharing it even after I've been given permission.

I think that it's all so personal that unless it's about yourself, or someone has said go for it, you should keep your fingers away from the keyboard.

Living a memory.

I wish I could be more upbeat with my memory but I'm feeling a little introspective and melancholy tonight.  I'm worried about tomorrow and thinking about all the ways I have tried and "failed" over the years.

When I was a senior in college I took a water aerobics class for the easy A and for the PE credit.  I was excited about the class.  It was a good way to get my workout in and I didn't have to look at myself in the mirror like in aerobics, yoga or other dance classes.

Then I got mono at the start of the semester, and it wasn't a little case of mono... I really thought I was going to die.

The inflammation in my spleen made the doctors act overly cautious and I could only do a third of what the water aerobics class called for.  So I got my only C in college because my stupid immune system picked that moment to catch mono.

I felt like such a failure and, at the same time, I couldn't have cared less.  My pretty awesome academic record was tarnished by that one stupid C and yet... I'm proud that I got through it.

I still feel like a failed.  I should have found a way around the participation to get the B I needed to have all A's and B's on my transcript.  I should have done more to plead my case.

It' a weird thing to think about how I felt seeing that grade.  Proud that I was done with college, depressed to see the C and angry that I let my body win.

It's weird the pressures we put on ourselves.

Tomorrow I run my 5th 5k and do a master class and Jam session with my Zumba family.

If I never post again, I loved you all and you can fight over my stuff.

Kthx!

Taking care of me...

Today's NHBPM prompt was about redesigning a doctors office. All I'd really do is make it colorful and fun. It's an office, as long as it's functional I don't much care how it looks.

So, I'm taking on a bonus prompt as it's important to where I am today.

How you take time for yourself.

So, this is something I'm not great about doing. I will run myself in to the ground if people don't tell me to slow down. I've been running myself ragged the last few weeks. Work stress, Zumba, extra workouts, training for my 5k this weekend, it's been a lot of stuff going on.

To top it off, I got an ear infection and upper respiratory infection this past weekend.  I woke up Saturday morning with a fever and immediately went to immediate care when they opened.  They gave me antibiotics and told me to rest.  Not so much. I'm not good at that.  I felt better by Monday, but still drained.  Then I wound up working until 2:30 this morning and didn't get home till almost 4am and was worn out enough that everything feels worse today.  

I still taught my Zumba class tonight because that's part of how I take care of myself.  My workouts are very important to me.  I get both physical and emotional therapy from getting sweaty and losing myself to my music or the cadence of my run.  If I don't get my workout, I feel awful. It's just not negotiable anymore. I need my workout.

The other ways I take care of myself include trying to find time that is truly me time.  As much as I'm a social person, I am still kind of an introvert. I do need time alone to recharge my batteries so I can be chipper, happy me when I deal with people. 

Of course, also important, is a good diet, taking my medications regularly, and my multivitamin regimen, and Shakeology. 

Shakeology has saved my tail so many times.  So good for my stomach, my skin, my hair, my nails and it helps to curb all the bad eating habits. It's one of the linchpins of my healthy lifestyle, 

I've been bad and only doing shakes a few times a week at most for a while and this infection and the general sense of ice lately has renewed my vigor around my Shakeology. Can't wait to get back in to my normal schedule with it.  Tomorrow, Vegan Strawberry with berries and ice and blueberry acai fruit juice, mmmm

Most important in taking car of myself is sleep! Sleep is so important and I will skimp when things are crazy and I cants d that anymore. Sleep is non negotiable! 

Taking the High Road...

There are so many times that I've had to take the high road with regards to weight loss, my thyroid and general issues that aren't anyone's freaking business anyway.

One specific event that springs to mind - a conversation with a random person at my previous place of employment.

It was a Friday, people were coming in to get checks, this lady comes in with an employee and engages me in conversation.

First words out of her mouth "My sister had gastric bypass surgery and it changed her life."

I stared at her, said something about how wonderful that was for her and went back to doing my job. For the next half hour or so this lady outlined for me all the reasons I should have gastric bypass surgery done immediately.

She told me I couldn't possibly be happy being so obese. She told me I'd find a man if I lost the weight. She told me I didn't have to be fat and miserable.

I smiled, thanked her for the information, and tried to end the conversation tactfully. It wasn't easy.

At that point I'd lost 80 pounds. I was, and still am, happily in a relationship. I was and am plenty happy. The only thing that made me sad or upset was dealing with the bitch who was telling me about my life who only met me 10 minutes ago.

I couldn't be rude or mean, I was at work, but I wanted to lash out at her so badly. I didn't though. Talk about self restraint!!!

List of 3?

Write a #ListOf3 Things that you’re thankful for / excited about / or inspired by.  That was one of the options for today's NHBPM prompts.  I like this as it goes along with my month of Thanksgiving I'm doing over on Facebook.  So, here's 3 lists of 3.. because I'm indecisive.

Thankful For:
1. My friends and family - real and adopted - who make me feel loved and special every day.
2. A job that I love and, though stressful, I am excited to go in to every day.
3. Blankets.  I swear, I was never this cold before but now nothing is better than a big fluffy blanket curled up next to Marshall or Matt watching football or a good movie. Blankets are the best!

Excited About:
1.  Raising money this week for Hurricane/Super Storm Sandy recovery.  I'm so glad Sue and I are working together on this project!!
2. The Robin Run AND the Carribean Heat Master Class coming up next weekend.  Holy crapballs, it's going to be amazing!
3.  The big data jam session tomorrow at work.  Going to Raleigh, getting this piece of the project finished and moving on to the next big task.  So cool!

Inspired By:
1.  My students.  Watching them grow and change every single class makes me want to work harder to help them reach their goals. It also makes me fight to get better to reach my own goals! Hooray for cyclical inspiration!
2.  My fellow NHBPM participants.  I'm loving reading what folks are writing and I'm learning so much that is helping me fight my own battles over here.
3.  Daylight savings time.  I'm inspired to get up and get stuff done.  I love falling back!! :)

What's in my purse...

So I think by now people realize I share just about everything except for bodily functions (most of the time) and details about my job so I went with the fun post today...


I carry a huge purse. HUGE.  And I didn't for a long time but about 6 years ago when I got serious about my health my purse grew in size.

Right now my purse has 3 big pockets and my myriad of stuff is divided thusly.

Center pocket - wallet, keys, mini flashlight, tons of hair bands and my two small alligator clips, and my business card case my iPhone and, when going to work or Zumba, my iPad. Oh and normally there's a few of those Coke bottle caps in here.  Because I totally do the Coke points thing.

Side pocket 1 - The lading place for all my assorted papers.  I have my mini coupon holder in here with not just coupons but also extra business cards, free passes for some of my teaching locations, and extra schedules when I have them. I also place any and all receipts that don't get put in my wallet in this pocket so I can add them to my tax receipts later.

Side pocket 2 - My medicine pocket.  My pills for the day are in one of those pill sorters in this pocket.  I also carry a bottle of xanax for panicked days, a small bottle of aleve, a small bottle of zinc tablets, several packets of Emergen-C, chapstick, aquaphor, anitbiotic ointment and bandaids.  (If you read my post about weird things about my health this makes a lot of sense!) This is also where random granola bars and stuff wind up.

It's a LOT of stuff for someone who used to carry a flip fold wallet.  BUT I'm glad I have all this stuff with me.  I just ordered a new purse and when I get it I will be more organized with my stuff. I try to keep it organized now but ... eh..

While you're out and about on the internet and reading my National Health Blog Posting Month post... go check out some of my friends who are participating as well.  You won't be disappointed!!

Redefining Kim
FoodFoodBodyBody
Thyroid Hope
Yummy Sushi Pajamas

Why I blog about my health...

As anyone who knows me for any length of time can tell you, I am not shy about sharing my story.

I blog about my health because I am a strong believer in being an informed consumer of health care and I want people to know that finding your voice can impact your quality of life.

When I was 16 and took myself off my thyroid medication because I felt so horrible and worn out that brushing my hair was a cardio workout but I didn't have a voice.  I didn't have a choice in what doctors I saw, I didn't have options and I wasn't in charge of my own health care decisions.

That all changed when I was 22.  Fresh out of college and on my own for the first time, I landed my first job and got health insurance that I was in charge of.  I found a good general practitioner and began researching what I needed to do to finally get my thyroid in order.

My first appointment and lab draws happened and I got a frantic call from the doctor.  A second set of labs were drawn and only confirmed what the first set of labs saw - my TSH was 35.  Not three point five but THIRTY FIVE.  That's 7 times the highest level of the widest acceptable lab range.  When I realized just how bad that was I really dug in to the research and found options.

My GP worked with me for about a year, my labs got close to normal and I started to have problems with my hair falling out again and I was exhausted, I asked about cytomel or armour thyroid.  He didn't want to do it.  I asked for a referral to an endocrinologist.

She was not keen on letting my try cytomel or Armour but relented when faced with my history and a lot of pleading.  Added cytomel and BAM 60 pounds fell off my body.

Since then I've been a huge proponent of pushing your doctors and doing research on any health issue I don't know about.  I want to understand my body and what it does and how it works.  I'm the expert on me, not some jerk in a white jacket.

If I had known then what I know now, I know I wouldn't have spent my high school and college years morbidly obese.  I know I would have asked questions and would have made the doctors listen to me about my symptoms.

I also would have said SCREW YOU to the doctor I accused me of being a closet eater and lying to him about everything and looking for an easy way out of being fat.

So that's why I blog about my health.  I don't want anyone to have to deal with what I did as a kid or as an adult, either.

Find your voice.  Ask questions.  Research.  Find a community.  Be your own advocate. Keep your chin up, AND NEVER GIVE UP.