2013 and beyond... and Ow! My jaw!

If I could accomplish anything in 2013 it would be ...

Man, talk about a loaded prompt. My goals and aspirations are many but if I had to pick one thing I want to accomplish in 2013 it would be getting under 200 pounds.

Yes, it's an arbitrary number but losing 70+ pounds in a year would be huge for me. I lose weight so slowly and to average 6 pounds a month would be an incredible success for me both mentally and physically. About 1.5 pounds a week. It's not a lot to ask. 

I'm trying so hard to get out of my own way, to stop psyching myself out and to own my own power and successes but I swear every time I get close to a goal - whether weight, work, financial or personal - I screw it up and set myself back. 

I would love to see 2013 be the year I stop fearing success and just enjoy the fruits of my labor. 

That said, lets talk about my doctor appoinment from yesterday.

I caught a sinus infection the Saturday after my birthday, then got worse the day after Veterans Day. Tuesday made one month of my ears hurting. I finally went to see the ENT.

The problem is not my ears this time. No redness, no fluid, nothing wrong.  My ears are dry - apparently I don't create enough ear wax and I have TMD/TMJ.

FREAKING LOCKJAW! 

Ok, so it's not a horrible thing and it makes sense now but the only thing I can do for the TMD to get better is go on a solid food diet for the next two weeks. 

Soft foods. Christ. I was just getting used to my current lower carb, no sweets diet. Now I have to stop eating things like steak and anything harder than a soft roll. 

Wahhhhh. 

Some of my Facebook friends gave me good suggestions about healthier soft food options and I'm going to have to do a lot of cooking this weekend. I still need help, though! 

What are some of your favorite soft food recipes? Hints and tips for not getting bored with the same consistency for the next 2 weeks? 

Tomorrow - a recap of the nutritional conversation with my ENT and why I now am self conscious about my ears...

Ch-ch-changes...

"I want to change THIS about healthcare..."

The focus on weight with regards to health. As a thyroid patient and a woman with PCOS I will ALWAYS have a problem with my weight.

I gain weight easily, it's hard for me to shed pounds and my weight fluctuates heavily from day to day. It's just so easy for my body to freak out and hold on to water weight, to hit a plateau, or to go against all reason and gain or lose weight when my calorie in versus calorie out equation says I should be doing the other.

You know what? My labs are freaking awesome. My blood pressure is normal, a little high when taken with an automatic cuff but even that's only slightly. My cholesterol is good. My HDL is a little low but I've made enough changes to my nutrition and started taking flaxseed and it's gone from 23 to 39 in a year. Thats genetics not bad nutrition or laziness. My glucose and A1C are perfect.  Perfect, not good, perfect.

And my cardiovascular system? Fit as a fiddle.

Quarterly I go visit a nurse for what they call Peak Health. They check my body fat, weight, blood pressure and talk to me about stress, nutrition and my overall wellness. Then they put you on a stationary bike and measure your pulse and blood pressure during moderate activity. As you reach certain benchmarks, you get higher discounts on your insurance. 

All of my labs are at level 5 levels. My readings on the bike are great, excellent fitness. But because of my weight I'm only a level 2. 

I don't expect to be a level 5 while still obese, but I would think everything I've done and the fact that all my other other health markers put me at a level 5 I should be rewarded in kind.

I get this from others places too. New doctors who think because of my weight I'm lazy and unhealthy.  

I know this is the case for other people too. Different health issues lead to varying pictures of health.

Will I ever be a size 2-4-6-8? Not likely. Aside from my health issues, I'm just good Irish breeding stock. I'm blessed with wide ribcage, shoulders and hips. I will, however keep fighting till my insides are as healthy as they can be. 

That should be the goal, not some weight related, one size fits all BMI bull hockey. Health. Inside and outside. 

Today I learned...

Today I learned ... that I am too hard on myself; that people have more faith in me than I do; and that we can all agree that I don't dress for the job I have.

I took a class today on managing interpersonal relationships and it was kind of common sense and kind of eye opening.

The big revelations? My overall social style is an amiable style. Ok. I buy that. The biggest struggle for me as an amiable person? Confrontation and conflict. No shit! The action I need to take? Initiate, initiate, initiate. Not too shocking. My focus is on personal security? Duh!!

What was shocking was the difference between how I see myself and how others see me. My nine respondents all graded me higher on my skills, competencies and feedback skills than I did. I was pleasantly surprised to see that because the age difference and my relatively low time at the bank make me feel like I have so much more to prove.

I'm going to work to apply those lessons to my life as a whole. I need to trust myself more and not be afraid to rock the boat. I need to be willing to ask for what I deserve and I need to stand up for myself more.

I'm still fighting to get back on track after all my birthday eating and sweets devouring. It's so much easier to abstain when time has passed. Tomorrow is another full day of training and my goal is to not snack between meals and eat exactly what I have planned.  

Being in training and not loving the fridge in the facility I am going to walk down to the local restaurant and get me a lunch box - pimento cheese sandwich, pretzels, dessert square - and a salad of some kind. Breakfast is fruit and a bagel with cream cheese and a latte, because coffee. Dinner is up in the air because I need to go grocery shopping and so we will likely go out to dinner. 

I'm trying to plan the crap out of next week. Breakfasts will be simple fruit, granola and coffee. Lunch is so hard for me because I just can't do sandwiches. I have chicken sausages and will likely do a few days of a sausage with peppers and onions and I may make a stew or siup for the other days this week. Dinner will be a standard meat, carb, protein combination of some kind.

I'm also very seriously considering another round of no bread at all. I've gotten back in to the habit of mindless nomming on bread, rolls, biscuits at meals. I think it's time for a break from my loves... And maybe a sad goodbye to white potatoes as well.

I'm getting more in to sweet potatoes and butternut squash in place of my love the white potato but I'm scared to say goodbye to both.  I did that once before and the fiancée wanted to tie me down and force a biscuit down my throat. I was not a nice person sans bread and potatoes. Not nice at all. I still apologize for that month and a half. 

I'm at a plateau right now, and given that I ate cheesecake, fried cheesecake, brownie sundaes and all the potatoes and martinis I wanted over the last week I'm ok with that.

So ... My goals for year 30 - post a total of 150 blog posts before October 20, 2013. So you'll be hearing from me a lot starting with the NHBPM event starting November 1st. I'm excited about it looking at the prompts. I hope you'll come around and share in the health chat with me! 

Pictures. Nutritionist. Celebration.

3. Far Away

4. In your mailbox

5. Bright

Today I saw my nutritionist and I've lost 23 pounds since I last saw her.  I'm still 4 pounds shy of being able to say 200 pounds.  SOOOOOOON!

I'm just gleeful that I'm really seeing results - even if they're slow.

I'm so glad I gave my scale away.  I need to hop on it maybe once a month to check my body fat % and muscle mass but otherwise I think I'm only going to weigh in at the doctors. 

So many good things going on this week.  I can't wait to have time to write about it more in depth. 

I'm working on editing a post for submission to the amazing Girl Body Pride blog.  It's been taking a lot of my thought time lately.  Trying to get my message in to 500 words or less.  Woof!

Packing my Lunch Challenge

In the lead up to convention, the insanity of returning, and everything going sideways since I got home I've been a total slacker about packing my own lunch.

With that, I've been spending too much money and eating far more calories than intended so starting with lunch today I am resolving to eat lunch, from my lunch box, every workday for the next two weeks.

Today lunch featured a salad which included

• 1 cup of baby spinach
• 2 baby bell peppers (one red and one orange)
• 1/4 of a medium tomato
• 1/4 cup rice noodles
• 1/8 cup 2% Mexican cheddar cheese
• 2 oz of chopped turkey deli meat

And on the side? 1/2 cup of dark chocolate Chex Mix.

It was DELICIOUS.  So fresh and tasty and I didn't even mind that I totally spaced on bringing some sort of dressing for the salad.

In fact, aside from the chocolate cupcake I had in honor of 4 co-workers having birthdays in the last week and a half, everything I ate today was brought from home.  

Tomorrow I think I'm going to do a FlatOut Wrap with cream cheese, spinach and turkey.  Maybe not.  We shall see what my tummy is feeling in the morning. 

Also coming tomorrow - me finally publishing my over emotional post about convention and the low points thereof. 

Weekly goals - 7/9-7/15

For the week of 7/9/2012 through 7/15/2012 I am setting the following goals for myself with regard to fitness and nutrition. And some steps I've taken to help keep myself to them!!

1. Only drink one carbonated beverage a day. I bought a new Brita pitcher filter to take to the office and since we're close to the break room I can fetch fresh water and ice just about any time.  That will make it easier for me to avoid the Coke Zero monkey that's so heavy on my back.
2. Try one new fruit or vegetable.  Matt is going to go in on this with me.  Not sure what I'm going to do this week.  Will hit the grocery store this week and browse the produce aisle until I find something that piques my interest.
3. Re-start Couch to 5K and do all of my week 1 runs.  Playlists are loaded and program is on my iPod, ready to rock!
4. Pack my lunch every day.  I've got meals planned and am ready to rock on this one.
5. Drink my shake every morning.  I have everything I need but I will need more Almond milk by about midweek.
6. Alternate doing push ups and crunches every night. I'm trying to work up to 10 full on the ground push ups and 100 crunches at a go.  

I will try to update my blog every day with where I am on these goals.

What are YOUR goals for the week?  What steps are you taking to be the best YOU that you can be?

Good things are a-coming...

And they are coming quickly! But! They're not coming without a few bumps in the road.

Like last week - it was the week of bad food choices.  I am an openly admitted carb-a-aholic.  Bread, pasta, potatoes, carb heavy vegetables... I love them all and sometimes it's difficult for me to back off the carbohydrates and keep my diet balanced. Last week was a prime example of this. 

Why?  Because Paul's Italian Bistro exists.  I actually did okay early in the week, I ate more than my fair share of sweet delicious fruit and was overdosed on delicious natural sugars but I was keeping my carb intake to less than 50% of my calories.  Then Thursday happened... Paul's has a dish that is cheese tortellini in alfredo sauce.  I added chicken to mine.  I ATE THE WHOLE PLATE.  Plus bread.

Then Friday, I had pizza for lunch because we brought it in for a working lunch.  Even though I ate thin crust pizza, my carb intake got close to 70% of my calories on Friday.

Needless to say - I felt like a blimp by Saturday morning.

It's so hard for me to recover from a carbohydrate binge. I know exactly what happens when I eat like this and yet... it happens. 

I understand that with as much cardio as I do, I need the carbohydrates for the easily used energy source but I really have to be extra careful not to let that percentage creep up.  There was a time a few years ago when it was not uncommon for my breakdown to be 70% carbs, 15% protein, 15% fat. THIS IS WHY I'M FAT!

I've been doing so much better but then, two steps back.  I know that it's ok to go "off plan" every now and then and that balance is the key... but I hate seeing the numbers creep up in that way.  I'm scared of that being the norm again. 

Yes, I know that this is bordering on the obsessive but... I need to control my eating if I'm going to reach my goals.  It's just how it works.  It's a numbers game and I'm getting on front of the numbers.

Speaking of numbers -  still managed a loss this week -.5.  Sitting at 297.2. Long as I stay away from seeing 300 ever again I'm happy.  I'll be happier when I tell 200 to go away too!

Zumbatomic, Zumbathon and more!

So much to share from this weekend!!!!

Friday night I was hit with a spur of the moment Zumba teaching opportunity.  A Zumba demo for a group of Girl Scouts!  The instructor who was supposed to do it got really sick and has to cancel and I was asked to step in.  Now, I taught daycare back in college and learned, quickly, that it was not for me.  So color me shocked to say this - I LOVED IT! I had such a great time with the girls.  We did a cumbia, a salsa, a merengue, a fun country song and a routine to Big and Chunky from Madagascar 2. 

Lesson of the night?  I WANT MY ZUMBATOMIC LICENSE.  I want to do that more often.  Watching those girls dance and the excitement on their faces when they got the move down just made my heart swell.  The way they wanted to show off their other dance moves and their tumbling afterwards was just perfectly sweet.  It's added to the To-Do list.  I will be Zumbatomic licensed.

After the party!

Saturday was the Zumbathon for the Wilson Arts Council.  2 hours of hot and sweaty Zumba, OUTSIDE.  First time I've done anything major outside like that and it was SUCH a different vibe. 

The sun on my skin.  The wind in my hair.  It felt incredible.

I was on cloud nine the whole time. Maybe it was being outside in full view of anyone who walked by, maybe it was dancing in front of all those new folks, maybe it was the praised heaped upon me by folks every time I was off the stage and maybe it was all of the above but I felt truly high on life.

Nothing can match that feeling.  Nothing.

Post Zumbathon I tried to just chill and relax on the couch but I was exhausted and jittery at the same time.

Matt and I went to go see Cabin in the Woods in the evening and it helped to distract me from the crash that I knew was coming.

I slept like the dead and got up today to start everything fresh and clean.  Since Easter my nutrition has been all over the place and it was time to start getting everything back in line.  Starting with a purge of the fridge and a major grocery run.  Then going to town on a remix of last weeks Crock Pot Cube Steak recipe.

Today I made what amounted to cube steak crock pot stew. 

• 2 pounds cube Steak
• 4 cans cream of potato soup
• 2 packets onion dip mix
• 1 half a bag of mini carrots
• 1 can no salt added corn
• 1 can no salt added peas
• 1 medium onion
• 1 lb red potatoes diced
• 2 cups sliced squash
• 1 can white northern beans

It turned out super tasty! Higher in WW points (12!!) but so filling that one serving was perfect for a meal.  I served it with Italian bread and it was the perfect pairing.

I bought fruits, veggies, meats and cheeses for the week and have planned out my meals for breakfast and lunch and most of the dinners this week.  This week I need to focus on cutting the carbs back out of my diet and on getting back on track with eating on a schedule. 

I'm going to get things straight this week! Eating on clean, all my Zumba workouts and 2 hours of weight lifting this week.  It's time to focus on building muscle again.  I need the muscle to boost my metabolism!

We'll see if I feel back on track by the end of the week.

Lent reflections.

Happy Easter. Happy Belated Passover.  Happy Sunday. 

Today is the end of my experiment to see if I could give up bread for Lent and I was, shockingly, successful. What did I learn about myself in the process?

That I have far more self control than I give myself credit for.
That food is not the answer to any of my problems. 
That some people really don't take well to making major diet changes 'made around a religious holiday.
That I really can do anything I want if I put my mind to it.

I turned down rolls and bread sticks and biscuits and stuffing and croutons and pizza and sandwiches.  I agonized over watching my best friends devour a loaf of home made garlic cheese bread. I gritted my teeth and turned away free bread with my meals almost every time we went out to eat. 

It was harder than I expected it to be... at first... about halfway through I stopped craving those go to foods.  The warm, tasty allure of bread just wasn't gnawing at me the way it once did.

Until my car accident.  When I finally got home the night of the accident I wanted nothing more than to devour a pizza and cry myself to sleep.  I wanted to be lost in the tasty warm bread smothered in sauce and cheese and dipped in garlic sauce.  I wanted to smell the fresh Italian seasonings and the warm delicious dough. 

It was remarkable just how much I craved those things in those moments of fear and doubt.  It was even more amazing that I was able to stay inside my mind enough and not give in.  I cried, a screamed, I panicked, I clung to Marshall and Chip and Matt and totally ate Girl Scout Cookies for dinner but I didn't give in and ruin my lenten promise so close to Easter.

Today I woke up to delicious waffles and fruit for breakfast.  We were going to do biscuits and eggs but we got lazy and forgot to go to the store. 

For lunch I had a delicious plate of ham, broccoli, lima beans, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes and 3 bean salad and I went back for seconds on all the veggies. I ate 3 delicious rolls too.  With butter.  They were heavenly. 

Shortly I will be indulging in pizza and I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to it.  Tomorrow I'll go back to eating bread normally, sparingly, and infrequently. 

I honestly felt better without all the processed white stuff in my diet.  I still got some of it from potatoes but taking the other major source away I definitely feel my nutrition was better over all so I think the bread stays away for the most part.

I gave up bread for Lent...

... and it 's one of the hardest things I've ever done.

It's been years since I observed Lent and I wanted to choose to give up something that I felt would be difficult and something that would really make me consider all the gifts I have on a daily basis.

Bread, biscuits, rolls, buns, garlic bread, breadsticks, bagels, muffins - warm and fresh out of the oven, they all evoke memories of family gatherings, of meals with friends.  I have a very emotional connection to bread and I guess it's even more evident now that I'm avoiding it all together.

It's hard to think about going places I have fond memories of without having the option to nom on their signature bread, or sandwich bread, or even just breadsticks! The perfect compliment to a good shared meal.

I guess I really adhere to the idea of "breaking bread" with someone.  Last night, Sarah and I went out to dinner and I had to say no to warm bread at the Italian place.  The agony! Warm, crusty, cheesy garlic bread? Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! 

I know it's only for 40 days but I really feel that I am going to struggle extremely hard with this task.  I would do just about anything for a biscuit at this point! I guess that's the point, right? 

I think the only thing harder to give up would have been if I said no potatoes. I think it's probably the only things I have stronger ties to than bread.  All of my comfort foods have potatoes or bread as a primary component.   

I know, like anything else, the first few days are going to be the hardest.  I've been told that on a low carb diet you actually don't even think about the carbs after about 10 days... we'll see if I feel that way next Wednesday. 

We'll see how this goes.  It's an interesting experiment in self control, self discipline.

The New Nutritionist...

So much more awesome and sane than my last nutritionist. 

Some back story.  Last year, at the advice of my primary care physician and my Peak Health nurse I went to see a nutritionist.  She was just over a town and came highly recommended.

The woman was PSYCHOTIC.  Okay, not psychotic, but certainly extreme in her thoughts on nutrition. the diet she wanted me on?

• Sugar free
• Gluten Free
• Dairy Free
• Carbohydrate Free
• Low Fat

She wanted me, when all was said and done, to only be eating lean meats and non starchy vegetables.  I never expressed any interest in a paleo diet... but that's where she wanted to take me.  I tried gluten free, sugar free and low carb and I never felt even but she kept pushing it.

Eventually I took myself out of the situation and went solo trying to find the right mix for me.

When I saw my endocrinologist in September and expressed my concerns over the weight not coming off fast enough she said to me "You need to work out less so you can eat less.  If you eat more than 1500 calories you won't lose weight."  I said oooooooohhhhh-kay.  I asked for a referral to another nutrionist.

I finally saw her today and she is AWESOME.  First off -  I lose 14 pounds since September according to the doctors office scale.  She said "No one loses 14 pounds over Christmas!"  I giggled. Secretly I did a dance.  I weigh too often at home and sometimes lose sight of the big picture.

When I told her what my exercise schedule entailed she stared at my blankly before going "Wow.  So that's not an issue." I showed her my bodybugg and my WW log.  I told her what I was eating, switches I had already made, expressed to her that I am a self avowed carb-whore.

Take aways from the appointment?  Her only concerns were that I'm not eating at regular enough intervals and that I'm too damn concerned about carbs.  She told me to get that other nutritionist out of my head.  I was doing fine and as long as I wasn't feeling the carbohydrate fog after eating I was fine.

Today I did my 20 minute Turbo Jam workout and 2 hours of Zumba.  I am sore as all get out and ready for some serious sleep!

I didn't think it could get any better.

Wow was I wrong!  Friday at the aquarium was fantastic but Saturday and today were so close I can't even point to the best day ever for this vacation. 

Saturday we slept in a little bit and then once we got going the day was just full of good food, good friends and laughter. 

Lunch took us to the Irish Rover Too. 

I started off with this yummy glass of hot cider with rum.  I couldn't finish it.  The rum was SOOOOO strong.

Lunch itself was comprised of cordon blue bites, cottage pie, and sticky toffee pudding. Talk about rich!!! After that it was time to move around.  Do anything!

So we went to the used book store.  I love used book stores, they're like heaven to me.  Yet, somehow, they seem to have lost some of their magic since I got my Kindle.  I found myself checking to see if I could get the books I was interested in on my Kindle and only buying it if I couldn't find an e-book version.  I still walked out of there with three books.  And I grabbed another one today

One of these things is not like the other... I am trying to be more conscious of my spending habits and learn more about different investment options and, in flipping through "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich" and "Get a Financial Life," I found that there was some definite base knowledge in these that I could definitely benefit from.  "Working with You is Killing Me" is about avoiding emotional traps at work and I know I need to work on not entangling my personal life and my professional life. 

"Diary of an Emotional Idiot" is just pure devious reading pleasure.  From the Amazon description:

"As the novel opens, the clean and sober Zoe is holed up in her ex-lover's apartment fantasizing about chaining him up and making him perform menial tasks. From this vantage point, we see flashbacks to her former life as a heroin addict frequently repulsed after a few days with a new boyfriend, writing porn novels for a living, and even cleaning her drug dealer's toilet for a fix."

This may not sound like fun to other people but I love novels that show people just utterly devolving and then, hopefully, redeeming themselves.  I can't wait to get in to reading this so I can see just how "bad" it gets for Zoe.  It's like watching "Black Swan"... but it's a book!

After that we hit up the Peddlers Market which is like a flea market but fully enclosed and you purchase everything through the main desk like a normal store.  The amount of incredibly tacky, racist, and sexist crap we found in that place was just... appalling.  It was also funny as hell. we had a good time wasting an hour walking around and checking stuff out.  It even turned in to a competition to see who could find the most ridiculous item possible.  Chip won.  I was a very close second.  Scary stuff.

From there we drove in to Indiana to do dinner with my other family.  I've known K and J&M since I was like 13.  We met over the internet on a MUD we played on at the time.  They were two of the most caring and nurturing people I'd ever met and they were all the way across the country in California.  We became close over the years and finally got to meet, face to face, 5 years ago.  They now have two lovely children who call me their sister.  I adore them all more than I have words for. 

For dinner we all met up at the Charlestown Pizza Company.  For serious... their food is absolutely amazing.  I think everyone just about licked their plates clean.  I, for one, said to heck with worrying about carbs, and ate MASHED POTATO PIZZA.

DROOOOOOOOOOOOL!

That's a yummy 8" crust, brushed with garlic butter and then topped with mashed potatoes, bacon, cheese and chives and served with a side of sour cream.  I was dead from the delicious.

Dessert for the night was a Butterfinger Rice Krispie treat.  Other options?  Chocolate Chip Bread Pudding and Oreo infused brownies. Talk about a sugar coma! I had half of one of the brownies later in the evening and it was worth the sugar crash.

We spent the evening being silly and celebrating Feztimus.

After dinner, we retired to their house for beer, wine, snacks and gift giving!

I got two more awesome books.

EEEEE!

And the sweetest homemade card from A. 

I totally teared up.  She is by far the sweetest kid on the planet. 

The adults were up until way late drinking and talking and I loved getting to meet one of K's best friends and getting to bond with her and her husband.  So much good times.  K and I finally went to bed near 4am. 

We slept in a bit and when we got up they made a delicious breakfast of french toast and bacon and sausage.  SO tasty!

It was sad to say good bye to my Indiana family.  I can't wait to get to go see them again.  Waiting a full year is just not fair!

After we headed out, we hopped over to the Frazier History Museum to check it out.  So much cool stuff.  I was utterly fascinated by the statues that they used to highlight the big events.

Creepy realistic!

After that it was off to lunch at Qdoba where I ate chicken and veggies and black beans and queso.  Probably the closest thing to a healthy meal I'd had in 24 hours. 

Now we're back at the house hanging out and grilling burgers for dinner.  After dinner I'm going to be working on repacking stuff and getting ready to head home first thing tomorrow morning.  I'm sad to head back to the real world but, dear heavens, if I don't miss my bed and my cats and my own space. 

I also miss routine and being totally 100% in control of what I eat. I'm going to eat nothing but veggies for like 2 days when I get home.  I am craving spinach and squash and zucchini.  I think dinner Tuesday is going to be a giant vegetable stir-fry.  Heavy on the water chestnuts, please!

This has truly been the best vacation I think I've ever had. 

Thanksgiving Wrap-Up

Today was a pretty fantastic day.  Despite feeling like my rib cage was about to explode every time I sneezed or coughed I felt better than I have for the last two days.

My temperature has stayed in the low 99 degree range and under, even without medication, so I know I'm on the right track to be back to my old self in a day or two. 

I did well with food today and stayed under 2200 calories even with splurging on cake! My normal calorie goal is around 1800.  I over did it but not 3000 calories which is what they say people consume during a typical Thanksgiving meal!

I felt like crap and food didn't taste that great but I ate a normal lunch with Marshall and his folks at 11 and then I made a mini Thanksgiving feast here at the house for dinner.

Lunch was at K&W - no dishes, no stress, portion control, so awesome.  I had turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, peas and a roll.  I got an slice of apple pie and brought it home - calorically it was almost as much as the rest of my entire meal.  Someone else can eat that.

Dinner was a modest Thanksgiving feast.  Much like round 1, it centered around turkey, potatoes, stuffing and peas.  However, it was a slightly healthier version of a thanksgiving feast since it was all under my control and I knew exactly what I was putting in to my body.

On the menu was:

• A 2 pound, pre-cooked, turkey breast for ease of use and pre-determined portion sizing.
• Stove Top turkey stuffing with minimal light butter spread and low sodium chicken broth rather than water.  I swear it makes the stuffing ten times better and eliminates the need for most of the butter/margarine. 
• A can of no salt added peas. 
• Mashed potatoes were made like my momma used to make them.  I made them with skim milk and the light margarine spread and only a touch of kosher salt. Once mashed and mixed and delicious I put them in a casserole dish, topped with another helping of spread and a touch more salt, and baked it till the top got yummy and crispy. It made me miss home.
• Fat free turkey gravy
• Delicious Grands Honey Butter Biscuits.  I only ate one.  I promise!
• Chocolate truffle cake.  Grabbed on a whim at Food Lion when I ran to the store earlier in the day.

 I ate a good amount of food but I didn't really get to enjoy it.  Everything tastes bland and kind of chemical like because of the antibiotic.  Plus my sense of smell is just dead right now because of the congestion.  I enjoyed the stuffing during round two the most because when I was cooking the steam from the boiling broth opened my sinuses up a bit and I could really smell it.  That carried over to eating it. Yum, yum!

I napped a bit today, watched football and read my book.  Ready to hit work tomorrow with a fury.  8 hours between me and two more days off.

I'm 19 days away from vacation! 19 days away from adventures! Hooray!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and is ready to get back on track with their nutrition and fitness goals tomorrow.

I'm going to hit the gym Saturday morning and either take Yoga or face my fear and try out Turbo Kick.  I'm ready to get moving again!

Adventures in cooking

Tonight I wanted Shepard's pie for dinner.  I really, really, REALLY wanted Shepard's pie.  So I defrosted the lean beef, chopped up an onion, and got to work.

While browning the beef and sauteing the onions I realized we didn't have beef stock or gravy and so, at Chips recommendation, I tried to make a sauce out of beer and flour.  We've done it before and it was super tasty!

Popped open a bottle of Newcastle and mixed it with whole wheat flour and was working on veggies when I realized it smelled a bit funny.  I tasted it.  It was not a happy taste.  Yeasty and grainy.  It was SO not a go.

I don't remember what beer we used the last time we did this and I think we used white flour instead of wheat but I was shocked that it turned out so badly.  What a waste of food... but I guess every attempt in the kitchen can't be a total success.

After Matt made a quick run to the store for more beef and gravy and I got started from the top.

A pound of beef, a big ol' onion1.33 cups of corn, peas,and  lima beans topped with  mashed potatoes and cheese on top baked to a bubbly warm crisp.

Yum, yum! It was a hit all around the house!

Simply delicious - Orange Berry Sorbet

I got a little creative in the kitchen this afternoon and decided to make something cold and sweet and, most of all, healthy.  What I wound up making, I suppose, is an orange berry sorbet. 

I had a bag of frozen mixed berries in the freezer and I wanted to make something dessert like with it.  I looked at the food processor and said to myself "Let's get processin!" At first I thought about doing just berry puree served with light Cool Whip but once I got everything pureed it was just too thick and... missing something.

Off went the light bulb! Orange juice. 

Not too long ago I had a drink at some restaurant that was lemonade with wild berries.  Why not see what orange juice adds to the party!

In to the food processor went about 12-16 oz of minute maid orange juice. 

I let it blend for quite some time.  It looked thick and creamy and probably could have been eaten right then and there.  I said no! I want it FROZEN.  So in to the containers and in to the freezer they went.  This is what I wound up with.

I actually have 3 of these little yummy containers!

 It's not as soft as a sorbet normally is and it actually eats more like an Italian ice at this point but it is exceptionally tasty.  You still get the natural sweetness and tartness of the strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries from the fruit mix and the delicious citrus flavor from the orange juice.  

Cold. Sweet. Tart. Delicious!

To make my Orange Berry Sorbet you will need:

1. 1-16oz bag of mixed berries 
2. 1.5-2 cups of orange juice

Take the berries and put them in to your food processor or blender and blend until it becomes a grainy mushy pile of fruit bits.
Start adding in the orange juice slowly and let it mix in completely.
You'll want the final mix to be thick but easily stirred and mostly smooth.
Pour into containers of your choosing.  (My mixture fit in to 3-1.75 cup Ziplock bowls.) Freeze for several hours until completely solid. 

I plan on using this as part of my post workout routine.  The sweetness of a bit of sorbet, after nomming my post workout protein?  You betcha! Also, natural sugars rock my socks.

Loving myself in to love

Today is Love Your Body Day! But... what does that really mean?

Like most women, I find myself comparing my body to that of those around me.  I'm hyper aware of people looking at me and even more aware of their facial expressions and tone of voice when talking to me.  Why?  Because I know I'm obese and I know people still judge me based on that fact.

Like I said in an earlier post I struggle on an almost daily basis with the stigma of being a plus sized fitness instructor.  I know a lot of students feel comfortable with me because I am a walking example that anyone really can do it but... sometimes that hurts worse.

Why does my weight matter in the grand scheme of things? My body can do everything that a 125 pound womans body can do... why do people feel the need to harp on it because I weigh 330 pounds?

I see examples of "fat persecution" around me all the time.  From little things like the catty "Who told her it was a good idea to wear THAT?!?" comments made between friends to more overt societal constructs like the fact that the only clothes designed to fit me make me feel like I might as well be wearing a burlap sack. I don't want to be running around with all of my goodies hanging out for everyone to see but I'd like to be able to feel sexy, sensual and HUMAN sometimes. 

It seems bizarre to me that we even need a day to focus on loving our body... shouldn't that be the message every day?

Women's media tends to scream loudly about transforming our bodies, fixing our problem areas, hiding our flaws, masking our imperfections but rarely about embracing the things that make each person special.

It amazes me how many people are shocked or offended when I'm in class and I'm hot and I'm sweaty and I decide to either tie my shirt up or tuck it up in to my sports bra baring my stomach to the room.  I'm HOT and SWEATY and my shirt is only making things worse... so I minimize the contact the fabric has with my skin and I feel better.  I also look at the little jiggly bits on my stomach and realize how much smaller they've gotten and push myself harder because I can actually see the changes in my body. 

Yes, I want to change my body but, ultimately, it's not about my appearance... it's about my health.  I want to stay healthy. I want to avoid being on any more medication than I currently am.  I want my cholesterol to stay in a healthy range.  I want to keep my blood pressure where it is.  I want to avoid becoming diabetic.  If I can do all of those things and be 250 pounds that's fine by me. 

I'd like to be thinner (if only for the fashion!) but if my body decides to stay where it is that's fine by me.  I'll continue to gain tone and endurance and become stronger and faster and I'll continue to love my body for allowing to me to do all the fabulous things it lets me do on a given day.

I love my body and I show my body that I love it by giving it quality food, water, and being as active as I can.  I pamper my skin with lush lotions.  I live life to the fullest and try not to let my physical body determine who I will be on a mental, emotional, or professional level.

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival

Goal - Simplifying Nutrition

Trying to get a handle on nutrition is no fun.  No fun at all. Everyone tells you weight loss is a simple matter of calories in vs. calories out.  Maybe that's generally true but my body is guilty of fuzzy math.

I have Hashimotos Thyroiditis and PCOS and I swear no matter what I do my diet is never "right" for progressive weight loss. I'm on synthroid, cytomel and metformin to control the three issues but it's only helped minimally

I've done it all.  Not so much guilty of yo-yo dieting as much as being nutritionally schizophrenic.

I was vegetarian. I tried Atkins. I tried South Beach. I've tried gluten free, dairy free, sugar free (and all three at the same time!) diets.  I've looked high and low for a dietary strategy that will work for me.  Nothing works.

I faithfully use sparkpeople.com and myfitnesspal.com to log my food and exercise.  I try to limit my intake of pastas, potatoes and even bread to a large extent so that I can stay lower carb.  However....I can't, mentally, deal with any diet that makes a food or group of foods off limit.

So what am I doing to simplify my diet? I'm trying to be moderate in everything... even moderation.

The big thing I'm having to learn is to forgive myself for being normal.  I go through periods of time where I don't want fruit but I eat a ton of vegetables.  I go through Atkins like spells where all I want is meat.  I even have carb binges where I crave pasta and potatoes in dishes like we had when I was growing up.

My current nutrition goals are to continue broadening the fruits and vegetables that are my go to foods.  I love my carrots, cucumbers, celery, and spinach.  I adore raspberries, strawberries, bananas, pineapple and mango. I know there's a whole world of other fruits and veggies out there for me to try.  I've become a zucchini and squash addict in the last few months.  Now to keep exploring!

That goes doubly for the meats I bring in to the house.  I've never cooked duck and I rarely bring fish in to the house because I hated it in the past and I'm scared to spend the money on something I wind up hating. I need to stop being so scared and expand my horizons.

So to those of you out there in blog land - What "new to you" foods have really gotten your cooking juices flowing?  What about fruits and veggies you love that are off the beaten track?