Today I learned...

Today I learned ... that I am too hard on myself; that people have more faith in me than I do; and that we can all agree that I don't dress for the job I have.

I took a class today on managing interpersonal relationships and it was kind of common sense and kind of eye opening.

The big revelations? My overall social style is an amiable style. Ok. I buy that. The biggest struggle for me as an amiable person? Confrontation and conflict. No shit! The action I need to take? Initiate, initiate, initiate. Not too shocking. My focus is on personal security? Duh!!

What was shocking was the difference between how I see myself and how others see me. My nine respondents all graded me higher on my skills, competencies and feedback skills than I did. I was pleasantly surprised to see that because the age difference and my relatively low time at the bank make me feel like I have so much more to prove.

I'm going to work to apply those lessons to my life as a whole. I need to trust myself more and not be afraid to rock the boat. I need to be willing to ask for what I deserve and I need to stand up for myself more.

I'm still fighting to get back on track after all my birthday eating and sweets devouring. It's so much easier to abstain when time has passed. Tomorrow is another full day of training and my goal is to not snack between meals and eat exactly what I have planned.  

Being in training and not loving the fridge in the facility I am going to walk down to the local restaurant and get me a lunch box - pimento cheese sandwich, pretzels, dessert square - and a salad of some kind. Breakfast is fruit and a bagel with cream cheese and a latte, because coffee. Dinner is up in the air because I need to go grocery shopping and so we will likely go out to dinner. 

I'm trying to plan the crap out of next week. Breakfasts will be simple fruit, granola and coffee. Lunch is so hard for me because I just can't do sandwiches. I have chicken sausages and will likely do a few days of a sausage with peppers and onions and I may make a stew or siup for the other days this week. Dinner will be a standard meat, carb, protein combination of some kind.

I'm also very seriously considering another round of no bread at all. I've gotten back in to the habit of mindless nomming on bread, rolls, biscuits at meals. I think it's time for a break from my loves... And maybe a sad goodbye to white potatoes as well.

I'm getting more in to sweet potatoes and butternut squash in place of my love the white potato but I'm scared to say goodbye to both.  I did that once before and the fiancée wanted to tie me down and force a biscuit down my throat. I was not a nice person sans bread and potatoes. Not nice at all. I still apologize for that month and a half. 

I'm at a plateau right now, and given that I ate cheesecake, fried cheesecake, brownie sundaes and all the potatoes and martinis I wanted over the last week I'm ok with that.

So ... My goals for year 30 - post a total of 150 blog posts before October 20, 2013. So you'll be hearing from me a lot starting with the NHBPM event starting November 1st. I'm excited about it looking at the prompts. I hope you'll come around and share in the health chat with me! 

Anxiety as a coping mechanism?

A quick thought for the evening.

I have been anxious and nervous all weekend about my first solo class at a new/non-established location tomorrow.  But, well, here's what just happened.

Going about my evening being anxious and overly cautious about being ready for tomorrow night.  Cleaning up the bedroom, putting my gym bag back in order with all the necessities for tomorrows class. Wondering what to pack for lunch tomorrow. *twitch*

Monday.
Tomorrow.
The staff meeting day. 
The SCARY staff meeting day.
The everything could change staff meeting day. 

Holy. Crapballs. My mind is BLOWN.

I've been so busy worrying about Zumba class that I forgot to be worried about the my whole job might change after tomorrow thing. 

I mean, I guess it's good that I focused on the stuff I can fix, change, or keep from going badly but OUCH does it hurt when the real anxiety pops it's head up.

I know there's nothing I can do about it.  The die has already been cast.  It's out of my hands.  Enter platitudes here.

It's still scary but it'll be over and out in the open tomorrow somewhere around noon. 

All this changes is that I don't have to worry about packing lunch tomorrow.  Just need to worry about healthy snacks and my bottles of magic blue water and a small stash of Xanax in my purse just in case the worst case is the actual case.

I'm about to get in to bed, snuggle up with uncle Ambien and hopefully get some solid sleep.  Before I head to the gallows.

How about people out there in the internet wild - 

1. Have you ever coped with a major stressor by focusing on a smaller  more easily controlled stressor?  
2. What are some of the weirdest ways you've dealt with stress?