Mooooving

So, blogger has been giving me some issues as of late and I am fnially getting around to letting everyone know -

I have relocated my little piece of the internet over to http://simplifyingsam.wordpress.com/

Come join me at my new home?

Good Habits ... One day at a time!

Last week, Mrs. Fatass and I got together and put a call out to our friends and our Zumba Family to get our brains working on our habits outside of the gym.

So how did I do in week one? Not too shabby. Hit my water everyday - and I'd been very slack on that! And ok on eating what I planned. Especially bad on the weekends but now I know where I'm headed and can work on sticking to it!

How about you all?

Also! Don't forget to grab the Zumba app this week and start donating to the Great Calorie Drive!!

Fat People have Knees too!

Well, rejoice! My knee is feeling much better after resting it Thursday - Sunday.  I went back to teaching last night and took it easy enough that I wasn't scared I'd reinjure it right off the bat. Also, it was fun to dial back the intensity and dial up and playing with the class.

However, the saga of my annoyed knee goes on.  It's still a little tender and feels tight when I stretch.  I'm being careful about movement and I'm staying the course with my anti-inflammatory meds for the time being.

I also want to procure a knee brace.  Nothing major, just something to help protect my knee while whatever I angered calms down more.

No such luck!

Apparently, if your knee is better than 17 inches around at the thigh above it, you're kinda SOL when it comes to knee braces.  At least locally and at an affordable price.

It's not so much to ask for support for my ailing knee, is it?

Last night I tried 3 different places looking for something I might be able to make work and the best I could do was wrap my knee in self adhesive athletic tape that slid down about 15 minutes in to class.

Come on first aide companies! Fat people have knees too! Give us some support!

Damnit, knee.

Okay, really. This isn't fair anymore. I start to get results and everything goes wonky. This weekend I'm going to do some picture comparisons and a post on how my body is changing but for the moment the only thing I have to say is -

Why is it that I can be as careful as I can be and still wind up injuring myself ... And not know how I did it.

So, lets go back to Wednesday before last. Class 1 of 3 for the night. I go down in to a squat on C'mon (Catch me by Surprise) and everything is fine. Good form, show modifications, nothing unusual. Top of the squat something feels weird. I back off, don't squat any more for the class. Everything is fine. After the last class of the night my knee was a little sore. I did do 2.5 hours of Zumba. It aches a little on Thursday and then feels fine.

Friday night I was just drained. We had an awesome master class fundraiser and I felt like I was moving through quicksand but my knee didn't hurt.

Saturday it starts hurting again, I got through the event held by my friend Val and it popped on a weird way. Like under my shin. It didn't hurt a lot and I danced on it no problem. Then I did my normal scheduled Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and then Wednesday it all went sideways,

Wednesday morning my knee really hurt. Like REALLY hurt. I medicated and took its very easy on myself on classes but it just didn't feel right. Thursday, I was never more glad to have a night off. By mid day I couldn't concentrate the pain was bad enough. So, sucked it up and went to the doctor.

But not my doctor. Mine is at the ACC tournament.

So, I went to immediate care where the awesome PA cringed through the whole physical exam. The popping noises are truly awful. Truly.

The X-ray showed nothing is broken. I was told to rest and if it was still making those noises and causing this much pain I needed an MRI.

Here I sit, Vicodin in my tummy, trying to figure out what I did wrong. It doesn't make sense. I didn't fall, trip, not out of control on any of my moves. I eat well. I take supplements to protect my joints because I'm so overweight and I know that puts more stress on my joints. So why am I sitting here in pain?

I really hate not having to ability to move freely. Even getting up to go pee is a chore.

I was talking to Sue about how annoyed I am at all of this. Having to cancel classes or find coverage this weekend, not being able to do things I had planned, being stuck in the house because its my right knee and I'm worried about it acting up and causing me to get in an accident and she said "You don't do well with restriction." And it's true!

I'm terrible at being told no. I'm a stubborn woman who will do it just to spite you. Yet, here I sit, trying to behave and thinking of all the ways I can slip around the restriction and still be a good girl. Just on the inside of the line though.

On a sweeter note, friends that I've made through Zumba have been so loving and supportive and awesome through this. I'm overwhelmed by all the care and support.

Hope made me giggle earlier tonight, she texted me and said "Your doctor just doesn't know how many folks sanity he's messing with by not fixing your knee." I laughed and then I felt a bit warm and fuzzy. I'm loved and they miss me already,

And it's totally a two way street. I miss them too! I was dying Thursday night knowing I had a free night and not being able to go to the gym and take Piloxing to switch things up and play with folks there. Ivey and Melissa and Christian were all there for the first time and I would have loved to have been there with them!

I'm super sad about not being able two do my classes this weekend - not just for the exercise but for the fact that I need to move. When I don't work out for more than a day or two I get grumpy. I'm hooked on the endorphins and the social aspect of going to class. I miss my friends. I miss the release. I miss the me time.

Stupid knee!

At least I'll get to catch up on my movie watching more, right? Gotta love a movie marathon weekend!

Being mentored by my mentee.

Today I had an interesting conversation with a high school student I'm mentoring for her senior project.  Not so much for the conversation itself (which was lovely! She's such a sweetie!) but for what I learned about myself.

She was asking me a lot of background questions, stuff about how I got in to Zumba, what I love about it and what I suggested as ways to make her project interesting and unique.

What did I realize?  I have a really hard time talking about ME.  I was verbose and enthusiastic when talking about Zumba - format, science, history and theory of - but the personal stuff?  I stuttered through a lot of that stuff. I kept deflecting to get back to Zumba stuff.

I think one of the reasons I've been so quiet here on the blog is because I've been weirded out talking about me... because right now, I feel "off" still.

I'm researching around my area looking for a therapist. More and more I feel myself spiraling out of control with my eating, suffering with my depression and I'm not okay with it but I'm also not ready to talk about it yet.

I had lunch with Sue the other afternoon and I mentioned that I feel like I've been eating my feelings lately and she asked me why I wasn't working on the feelings... and she's right.  I need to work on that.  A lot.

I'm also gearing up towards doing a whole 30 challenge.  I need to purge my system of all the crap - I've fallen back in with some of my favorite snack foods from my worst days.  That needs to stop.

I'm going to get through the next few days and then this weekend purge the house and shop for the whole 30.  Nothing says I have to start it on the first of the month, right?

Step by step... I'll get there.  Therapy. Detox my body. Keep moving.  I'll get healthy one way or another.

Eating Disorders and Me... and you... and everyone...

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

I drafted three different posts to talk about how important it is that we, as a culture, see the importance of treatment for eating disorders but nothing came out the way I wanted it to.

The fact is, I've dealt with disordered eating my entire life.  My mother likes to tell people that, even as a very young child, I would ask for seconds of meals before even touching my first serving.

I was always "scared" of food, of there not being enough, of how it made me feel or didn't make me feel.  I've never really been okay with food. I'm still not okay with food. I will probably fight with this my entire life.

I've gone through periods of my life where I've restricted, binged, binged and purged, binged again and, from time to time I've eaten like a normal reasonable person. I've also used laxatives and diuretics and appetite suppressants and miracle pills to assist with restricting, binging or purging.

I've had all the labels tossed at me by doctors over the year but I've managed to control it through talk therapy when symptoms became more pronounced.

Lately, I have had to deal with people trying to label me with exercise anorexia due to my extreme teaching loading.  I worry that I'm headed in that direction and I'm working on reconciling that with my other symptoms and I'm talking more about exercise and food with those that are closest to me to try and ensure that I'm being objective about everything.

Eating disorders, like all other mental health issues, are serious and everyone should be informed and open to all the avenues of treatment and recovery.  Be aware of your relationship with food and, if you feel like you need help, there are a myriad of resources out there for you to seek the help you need.

Check out NationalEatingDisorders.org  or nedawareness.org for more information.  Or talk to someone you love.

Screw you, immune system!

I'm sick. AGAIN.  I swear people must think I go around licking door knobs and dirty tissues with the way I am constantly catching one bug or another.

I'm not.  I swear.

I eat a good diet. I exercise. I wash my hands. I don't share food willy nilly.  I drink my water. I take my vitamins.  I do all the good things! I just can't seem to stay healthy.

It's driving me insane.

This time around it's a sinus infection and a generic throat infection. NOT STREP, PRAISE THE LORDS AND LADIES.

I woke up Friday morning and I had a lump in the back of throat, left side only.  My throat was all raw and icky.  I was not happy. Started popping Zicam and taking emergen-c and went about my day.  Through the work day I started to feel grosser but I had things to do. A birthday party to make happen.

I left work a little after 4 and headed on to get the birthday party stuff picked up and set up at the studio.  All done. Party time - I had the first 3 songs of the night.  An 8 minute warmup, one dance song and one fitness song.  I felt like I was going to pass out through all three.  Once I was done, I watched, I took pics and I enjoyed seeing all the love pour down on the Sarah.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, SARAH-BELLA!

I went to bed early Friday night with the knowledge that I had the whole weekend off to rest and get better.  That never happens, but Sue was the logical one and convinced me to cancel my TurboKick class Saturday morning and offered to take my Sunday class in my place.  So from 7:15 Friday through 7:45 Monday I would have nothing to do but just be.  Oh, how I appreciated that.

Because Saturday morning I was SICK.  My face was puffy, my left eye was twitchy, I had no voice and I felt like I was hit by a truck.  I went on to Immediate Care.

At immediate care, I learned something interesting.  My tonsils have grown back! I had them out when I was 22 but apparently they came back. This could explain a lot of my health issues.  This was the root cause of a lot of issues up until they were yanked out.

Anyway - fully occluded left sinus cavity, fluid behind my left ear and pustules behind my tonsils.  NOT STREP but yeah. Sick.  Antibiotics. Go home. Rest.

Yesterday I enjoyed a nice lunch out with folks before diving in to movies and TV watching before an early bed time.

I watched:

1. The Possession
2. Sound of my Voice
3. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
4. Looper
5. Step Up: Revolutions
6. House at the End of the Street.

And tomorrow I will watch: Hotel Transylvania!

I feel well rested and very blessed to have had a weekend to take care of me.  I'm off work tomorrow and am going to rest some more and hopefully I will be back at 100% by the time I go to class tomorrow night.

Lent.

Last year, for Lent, I gave up bread products. I am doing it again this year with an addition - pasta.

But, I am nothing if not an over analyzer and after issues with defining bread last year, I decided to be very specific this year.

So. For the next 40 days and 40 nights I will not be eating:
Sandwich or sub bread
Rolls
Biscuits
Garlic bread or bread sticks
Crackers
Spaghetti or any form of regular pasta
Ravioli

Things that are borderline but allowed:
Wheat wraps or corn quesadillas
Corn based bread like products (I need something other than meat for breakfast! Corn cakes, go!)

I guess what I'm trying to give up is white flour based items. I'm sad about not being able to nom the rest of the perogies that are in my freezer.

But alas.

I'm also adding in a plank a day to my day to day activities and got a friend in on the action.

I'm feeling good about this. Scared, but good.

A humbling experience...

First, let me say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since my last post with words of caring, compassion and offers of ears and shoulders if they are needed. Every single well wish and offer has reminded me that no matter how alone I feel ... I am loved and I am part of something special. Two something's, actually - the Zumba community and the FitBloggin community.

Much love to you all. <3

So today I was part of a wonderful event that brought me home to the basics of fitness and left me feeling full of joy and contentment.

A while back a student from the YMCA gave my name to a contact with the North Carolina Deaf Blind Association. They wanted to do a Zumba fundraiser for their summer camp this year - I figured we'd do a normal Zumbathon and it'd be awesome. What it became was truly amazing,

Today we did an all day Funky Fun Fitness day. Multiple, concurrent, fitness classes for all ages and levels of fitness. The schedule went like this:

Block 1 - Teleasha did Zumba and I did Zumbatomic.
Block 2 - Val did Zumba while Sue did a chair Zumba Gold class.
Block 3 - Sarah did Zumba while I did Zumbatomic.
Block 4 - Supposed to be a karate demo and class. I wound up teaching Zumba.
Block 5 - I did TurboKick with Brianna taught Yoga.

We started at 9:30 and I finished up at 3:30. Owwwwwwwwwww!

It was amazing. All of the classes were fun and energetic. It was just - incredible. It was also fully, totally and amazingly exhausting. I've been barely functional since getting home.

Tonight I've been trying to chill out, veg out, and turn off. But my head and heart are just out of control. There was just so much love and community in that room today. I even picked up some new sign language! It was just a joy to participate in this event.

I am so honored to have been there, teaching and learning from the Deaf/Blind community. It's rekindled my desire to keep learning how to be a better instructor, to be a better community member, and to learn ASL and Spanish.

When I was younger I picked up a bit from my sister when she was taking classes to be an interpreter and I was getting close to fluent in Spanish in college. Now to dust off one skills and learn more!!!

A confession...

I'm depressed.  It's not all "woah is me" and the "world is ending" depression but I am dealing with a bad round of depression.

Nothing in my life is particularly bad right now.  I just had an amazing weekend with my Trio Fitness family.  Work is mostly good minus some stress about one working relationship. I'm seeing progress in my strength and muscle tone even if my weight isn't moving.  I'm healthy, for the most part.  I have big plans for travel in the next few months.  There's so much good stuff happening.

Life is really quite good.

But I am in a funk I can't snap out of.  I wake up in the morning and I have to spend 15-20 minutes convincing myself to get out of bed.  I grump my way to the car to go to work.  I get work done but I feel empty, and alienated by my coworkers even though I know I'm not.  I even have to psych myself up every day before Zumba class.  I know that once I get there I'm going to feel awesome but the thought going to class even makes me a little bummed.

I just feel ...Dull. Lifeless. Listless.

I called the doc to ask about upping my dosage of Zoloft and he said not until I come in for my next visit and he will likely wind up changing me to a different medicine all together as I'm already on the highest dose. I was hoping to hold off till I go back in March but I think I need to go see him sooner but I feel like I don't want to make a big deal out of having the blues.

I'm taking my B vitamins like a good girl and my D to help with the lack o sunshine this time of year to stave off the seasonal affective disorder.  I'm eating well (most of the time) and still eating comfort foods when I want them.

It just sucks to feel so blah... It's 9 at night and I'm in bed and really sad that I'm not already asleep.  I just want to feel normal again.  

Simply wild...and Simply Gross!

The last 14 days have been full of wild and crazy things.

Let's talk Zumba - on the 12th Trio Fitness did an AWESOME Commit to Fit master class. 90 minutes of Zumba to commit to health and wellness in 2013.  We had instructors come in from around town and everyone got to show off their moves.  It was so great to watch other instructors and learn from their skills!

It was a great event and I loved every second of it.  I love all these ladies... and everyone else there!

So much love.

We are ramping up for the 50 Shades of Sweat master class on February 1st. Big event with the awesome Adriana Carr.

SOOOOO excited! Can't wait.

On the everything else front - I had the unhappy luck to catch the FLU on the heels of the Commit to it event.  That night I started to feel gross.  I checked my temperature at around 8pm. Fever just below 100.

Crap.

Woke up Sunday - fever near 102.

DOUBLE CRAP.  Had to cancel all my classes, find coverage for the YMCA class and then slept until 2:30pm, watched some football and went back to bed.. nearly dead.

Monday morning - 101. CRRRRRRAAAAAAAAP! Stayed home from work.  Slept.  Started to feel better in the late afternoon.  Drove myself insane with mundane things because I knew I wasn't well enough to do anything out of my bed or off the couch.

Gained an addiction to Candy Crush Saga.  Reignited my addiction to Chuzzle and Bejeweled.  Spent a lot of time with My Little Pony.

It sucked.

Tuesday I felt better, went back to work and got back on my workout schedule.  BUT... there was a hiccup Tuesday morning.

Here's where those who are squeamish should stop reading. This part of my homage to Mrs. Fatass and her willingness to share the good, the bad, and the bodily functions...

After being sick... does anyone else CRAVE a hot shower? A long, hot, shower to make all the ick be totally gone from your body?

That's all I wanted. A long, hot, cleansing shower.

That is SO not what happened.

I get in the shower, wash my face and start soaping up my hair and WHAM.

The room went dark, spinning out of control, dry heaving, knees weak, chest pounding.  I may or may not have lost consciousness. BUT, only a little bit.

I stumbled out of the shower after vaguely remembering to get the soap out of my hair, turn the water off about halfway, throw on my robe and stumble to the bed where I collapsed and tried to remember how to breathe and blink and remember that my feet were attached to my legs.

There are pieces of about 10 minutes that were missing.  I know that time is missing because in the process... I pooped in the shower.  All over the shower.  I found this out 20 minutes later when I started to feel better went to turn the shower off.

The fiancee was disgusted and didn't know what to do. He hid from the whole thing.  This proves that the decision to NOT have kids is a smart one.  I cleaned up the shower, got back in to finish my shower, added some bleach to the shower floor and curtain, rinsed it all one more time and got ready for work.

And yes, I went to work and I taught Zumba.  Lesson of that day? Shit happens... don't let it ruin the rest of a perfectly good day.

5 days in and going strong.

2013 is off to a whirlwind start for me! In 5 days I've run/walked a 5k and taught 9 classes - 7 Zumba classes, 1 Sentao and 1 TurboKick class! My very first TurboKick class! How crazy is that!?

Three of those were today, in fact. I started out with an hour of TurboKick, then did an hour of Zumba with Sarah, and ended with an hour of low impact option Zumba at the YMCA. Long morning, but it was worth it!

Now I'm sitting here pondering food for the week. I'm probably going to make veggie trays for lunch this week. Thinking about doing vegetarian baked beans, carrots, peas, and maybe lima beans. Maybe do some days with sweet potatoes instead of baked beans. Just to try something different.

Tomorrow I've got another 3 hour of Zumba day. Sentao, Zumba or Zumbatomic and then my 75 minute class at the YMCA. I love my crazy Sundays!

Today was not the best day for food, I gave in and had three pieces of pizza for dinner. Mindless eating while watching football. Oh well... I'll work it off tomorrow.

Now to keep working on my budget and organizing stuff more. Getting close to feeling comfortable with my finances and my savings goals.

Now if I can just get the boy on board!