Today I had an interesting conversation with a high school student I'm mentoring for her senior project. Not so much for the conversation itself (which was lovely! She's such a sweetie!) but for what I learned about myself.
She was asking me a lot of background questions, stuff about how I got in to Zumba, what I love about it and what I suggested as ways to make her project interesting and unique.
What did I realize? I have a really hard time talking about ME. I was verbose and enthusiastic when talking about Zumba - format, science, history and theory of - but the personal stuff? I stuttered through a lot of that stuff. I kept deflecting to get back to Zumba stuff.
I think one of the reasons I've been so quiet here on the blog is because I've been weirded out talking about me... because right now, I feel "off" still.
I'm researching around my area looking for a therapist. More and more I feel myself spiraling out of control with my eating, suffering with my depression and I'm not okay with it but I'm also not ready to talk about it yet.
I had lunch with Sue the other afternoon and I mentioned that I feel like I've been eating my feelings lately and she asked me why I wasn't working on the feelings... and she's right. I need to work on that. A lot.
I'm also gearing up towards doing a whole 30 challenge. I need to purge my system of all the crap - I've fallen back in with some of my favorite snack foods from my worst days. That needs to stop.
I'm going to get through the next few days and then this weekend purge the house and shop for the whole 30. Nothing says I have to start it on the first of the month, right?
Step by step... I'll get there. Therapy. Detox my body. Keep moving. I'll get healthy one way or another.