Fat People have Knees too!

Well, rejoice! My knee is feeling much better after resting it Thursday - Sunday.  I went back to teaching last night and took it easy enough that I wasn't scared I'd reinjure it right off the bat. Also, it was fun to dial back the intensity and dial up and playing with the class.

However, the saga of my annoyed knee goes on.  It's still a little tender and feels tight when I stretch.  I'm being careful about movement and I'm staying the course with my anti-inflammatory meds for the time being.

I also want to procure a knee brace.  Nothing major, just something to help protect my knee while whatever I angered calms down more.

No such luck!

Apparently, if your knee is better than 17 inches around at the thigh above it, you're kinda SOL when it comes to knee braces.  At least locally and at an affordable price.

It's not so much to ask for support for my ailing knee, is it?

Last night I tried 3 different places looking for something I might be able to make work and the best I could do was wrap my knee in self adhesive athletic tape that slid down about 15 minutes in to class.

Come on first aide companies! Fat people have knees too! Give us some support!

Damnit, knee.

Okay, really. This isn't fair anymore. I start to get results and everything goes wonky. This weekend I'm going to do some picture comparisons and a post on how my body is changing but for the moment the only thing I have to say is -

Why is it that I can be as careful as I can be and still wind up injuring myself ... And not know how I did it.

So, lets go back to Wednesday before last. Class 1 of 3 for the night. I go down in to a squat on C'mon (Catch me by Surprise) and everything is fine. Good form, show modifications, nothing unusual. Top of the squat something feels weird. I back off, don't squat any more for the class. Everything is fine. After the last class of the night my knee was a little sore. I did do 2.5 hours of Zumba. It aches a little on Thursday and then feels fine.

Friday night I was just drained. We had an awesome master class fundraiser and I felt like I was moving through quicksand but my knee didn't hurt.

Saturday it starts hurting again, I got through the event held by my friend Val and it popped on a weird way. Like under my shin. It didn't hurt a lot and I danced on it no problem. Then I did my normal scheduled Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and then Wednesday it all went sideways,

Wednesday morning my knee really hurt. Like REALLY hurt. I medicated and took its very easy on myself on classes but it just didn't feel right. Thursday, I was never more glad to have a night off. By mid day I couldn't concentrate the pain was bad enough. So, sucked it up and went to the doctor.

But not my doctor. Mine is at the ACC tournament.

So, I went to immediate care where the awesome PA cringed through the whole physical exam. The popping noises are truly awful. Truly.

The X-ray showed nothing is broken. I was told to rest and if it was still making those noises and causing this much pain I needed an MRI.

Here I sit, Vicodin in my tummy, trying to figure out what I did wrong. It doesn't make sense. I didn't fall, trip, not out of control on any of my moves. I eat well. I take supplements to protect my joints because I'm so overweight and I know that puts more stress on my joints. So why am I sitting here in pain?

I really hate not having to ability to move freely. Even getting up to go pee is a chore.

I was talking to Sue about how annoyed I am at all of this. Having to cancel classes or find coverage this weekend, not being able to do things I had planned, being stuck in the house because its my right knee and I'm worried about it acting up and causing me to get in an accident and she said "You don't do well with restriction." And it's true!

I'm terrible at being told no. I'm a stubborn woman who will do it just to spite you. Yet, here I sit, trying to behave and thinking of all the ways I can slip around the restriction and still be a good girl. Just on the inside of the line though.

On a sweeter note, friends that I've made through Zumba have been so loving and supportive and awesome through this. I'm overwhelmed by all the care and support.

Hope made me giggle earlier tonight, she texted me and said "Your doctor just doesn't know how many folks sanity he's messing with by not fixing your knee." I laughed and then I felt a bit warm and fuzzy. I'm loved and they miss me already,

And it's totally a two way street. I miss them too! I was dying Thursday night knowing I had a free night and not being able to go to the gym and take Piloxing to switch things up and play with folks there. Ivey and Melissa and Christian were all there for the first time and I would have loved to have been there with them!

I'm super sad about not being able two do my classes this weekend - not just for the exercise but for the fact that I need to move. When I don't work out for more than a day or two I get grumpy. I'm hooked on the endorphins and the social aspect of going to class. I miss my friends. I miss the release. I miss the me time.

Stupid knee!

At least I'll get to catch up on my movie watching more, right? Gotta love a movie marathon weekend!

Being mentored by my mentee.

Today I had an interesting conversation with a high school student I'm mentoring for her senior project.  Not so much for the conversation itself (which was lovely! She's such a sweetie!) but for what I learned about myself.

She was asking me a lot of background questions, stuff about how I got in to Zumba, what I love about it and what I suggested as ways to make her project interesting and unique.

What did I realize?  I have a really hard time talking about ME.  I was verbose and enthusiastic when talking about Zumba - format, science, history and theory of - but the personal stuff?  I stuttered through a lot of that stuff. I kept deflecting to get back to Zumba stuff.

I think one of the reasons I've been so quiet here on the blog is because I've been weirded out talking about me... because right now, I feel "off" still.

I'm researching around my area looking for a therapist. More and more I feel myself spiraling out of control with my eating, suffering with my depression and I'm not okay with it but I'm also not ready to talk about it yet.

I had lunch with Sue the other afternoon and I mentioned that I feel like I've been eating my feelings lately and she asked me why I wasn't working on the feelings... and she's right.  I need to work on that.  A lot.

I'm also gearing up towards doing a whole 30 challenge.  I need to purge my system of all the crap - I've fallen back in with some of my favorite snack foods from my worst days.  That needs to stop.

I'm going to get through the next few days and then this weekend purge the house and shop for the whole 30.  Nothing says I have to start it on the first of the month, right?

Step by step... I'll get there.  Therapy. Detox my body. Keep moving.  I'll get healthy one way or another.