Ego Check

Over the last few months I've had to consistently step back and just marvel over where I am and what is going on in my life. 

I've spent years of my life hiding, not wanting to be seen for fear of people judging me on how I look.  As I got in to Zumba that changed but I still fight with that anxiety on a daily basis.  It's hard to let go of all of that stress and fear.

Things are changing for me though.  I find myself craving the lime light and the attention.  I've done Zumbathons and Zumba demos and I teach 10-12 classes a week and I'm always in front, on fire, and partying my tush off.

And people like it. They like me.  Yet, I'm still having a hard time reconciling that with how I feel deep down inside of me. 

I know that I do a lot of self defeating talk sometimes and that makes me my own worst enemy but I have gotten better about it.  I'm slowly getting rid of the negative self talk and replacing it with positive self talk.  I'm trying to work on my self esteem from the inside out.

So why is it so hard for me to believe that people love me and what I bring to the Zumba classroom?  Over the last few weeks I've had people tell me the same things over and over again.

You rock! You're the best instructor ever! You kick my tail every single class! Your choreography is the best! You can shake it better than anyone! I wish I could move like you! You're so flexible! You're an amazing dancer!

And I am flabbergasted every. single. time.  It's hard for me to see myself the way that they see me.   I feel like I have to downplay those things all the time and brush it off.  (Oh, I was a dancer when I was kid, I used to do a lot of yoga, it's the Zumba formula that kicks your butt, not me.)

Maybe it's time for me to own some of that though.  I've been holding back on recording my self choreographed routines because I don't believe that they're good enough to share or that people are going to laugh at me for it.  I still think of myself as a backup more than an instructor in my own right sometimes.  I have to talk myself in to new teaching opportunities because I think the folks in a new place will look at me and laugh. 

However, the people I trust and are closest to me have been telling me how good of a choreographer I am and I trust them... so I'm going to try to get some time at the studio with folks to record videos. 

People I trust and respect are always telling me how good my classes are and that they wish I taught more at this place or that.  So I owe it to them to try and get out there more and stop hiding as a second banana instructor.

I guess I just need to own my power.  I will always strive to be humble but I think it's time to be a little more secure in what I'm doing and own the fact that I'm sexy and I know it. It's a mental hurdle to over come and it won't be easy but I need to start enjoying the lime light and the attention.

Shaking it in 2012!

The first week of 2012 has been full of insanity and I couldn't love it more!

After the nutritionist meeting on Tuesday I tried very hard to follow her calorie splits and get in the 3 meals and 3 snacks that she wanted.  I have to admit, I feel more even already.  I don't wake up feeling queasy and nauseated and that's a first for me!

My workouts this week were insane and awesome at the same time.  Been doing my Turbo Jam workouts where time permits (20 minute express x 3 this week!) but have been on a Zumba binge it seems.

Wednesday night I hit up TurboKick and then taught an hour of Zumba.
Thursday was a Zumba marathon.  I taught an hour at the YMCA, ran across the road to the studio, taught the last 35 minutes of a class there and then had a 30 minute break before teaching another hour of Zumba.
Friday was my rest day and woah did I need it!
Saturday morning I did an hour of Zumba and my body was still not quite over the 2.5 hours on Thursday night.  My quads!!!!!
Today I am teaching a 75 minute Zumba class and working on my Hip Hop Hustle stuff.

Scared/Freaked Out Rant - GO!

I'm teaching my first Hip Hop Hustle class on Thursday night! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Today I'm making cheat sheets to post on the mirrors to keep me on point and practicing as much as possible.  I'm totally scared out of my mind.  Thankfully, I know Sarah will be at my side and Sue and Daphne are going to be there.  I know I won't be alone but it's the first time HHH will have been taught in Wilson! That's SCARY! I want it to take hold and be successful. One of my goals is to be teaching at least 2 HHH classes a week by the end of 2012.

I'm reviewing the moves and drilling the music in to my head and hope to slam the class out of the park.  I know I can do it! I know I can!

End Rant.

I'm also in the process of cleaning the house a bunch today.  I vacuumed, I organized, I threw things out.  I did dishes and laundry is currently running. I went grocery shopping and got everything set up for food for the week.  I'm going to get this house under control! I will!

I've got a busy week ahead of me.  Professionally I'm finishing user acceptance testing on my first big project ever.  I started working on this in August of 2012.  The program is written and should be implemented at the end of the month. EEEEE!

Then I've got 7 Zumba classes and 1 Hip Hop Hustle to teach/co-teach and one TurboKick class to rock.  And the mornings will be my solo TurboJam time. 

I'm on pattern, on schedule and on track to make 2012 the best year possible.

Big changes are a-comin'!

First off, let me say how absolutely awesome this week has been.  It's been a wild ride full of stress and insanity but I can genuinely say that 2011 is going out with a bang.

Let's start with Weight Watchers stuff though.  I'm loving the ease of the Points Plus program.  I love not feeling guilty for indulging in fruits that I love and I'm digging on the new power foods listing.  It is making it easier to get an idea of where I am without having to do calorie, fat and carb math which is nice. 

The one thing I have issues that with is the extreme amount of exercise I do, I just don't know how to handle the Activity Points and the Weekly Points system.  I can swap activity points by the day, by the week or not at all.  I can also choose not to use the weekly points at all.  I just don't know what to do.  For the moment I'm doing both weekly and I haven't had to touch the Weekly Points at all.  I'm thinking I may just swap Activity Points weekly and not touch the Weekly Points.  We'll see though. 

It will be a bit weird over the next two weeks since I'm going on vacation but I will solidify the plan once the new year gets here.  For now, I'm not concerned with loss - just maintenance.
 

As for vacation - it can't get here soon enough!  I only need to work Monday and then I don't go back until Wednesday the 21st.  HOORAY!

Where I work we have to take 5 consecutive vacation days once a year and this is my sabbatical. For that week, work can't call me, I can't check email, I'm actually locked out of the buildings.  Last year I only had 4 days and coming back was rough... this year I'm actually taking 6! That's going to be hard to get back in to the swing of things after. 

And speaking of work! Big changes on the horizon! When I get back from vacation I need to start training some of my direct team members on how to do various tasks that are currently being done by the temporary employees on our team.  I'm also getting some additional tasks around our procurement application and will be getting to work with our category managers directly on tasks related to suppliers and supplier activity. That's pretty cool stuff. 

Big changes are coming in 2012.  I can feel it!