Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Eating Disorders and Me... and you... and everyone...

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

I drafted three different posts to talk about how important it is that we, as a culture, see the importance of treatment for eating disorders but nothing came out the way I wanted it to.

The fact is, I've dealt with disordered eating my entire life.  My mother likes to tell people that, even as a very young child, I would ask for seconds of meals before even touching my first serving.

I was always "scared" of food, of there not being enough, of how it made me feel or didn't make me feel.  I've never really been okay with food. I'm still not okay with food. I will probably fight with this my entire life.

I've gone through periods of my life where I've restricted, binged, binged and purged, binged again and, from time to time I've eaten like a normal reasonable person. I've also used laxatives and diuretics and appetite suppressants and miracle pills to assist with restricting, binging or purging.

I've had all the labels tossed at me by doctors over the year but I've managed to control it through talk therapy when symptoms became more pronounced.

Lately, I have had to deal with people trying to label me with exercise anorexia due to my extreme teaching loading.  I worry that I'm headed in that direction and I'm working on reconciling that with my other symptoms and I'm talking more about exercise and food with those that are closest to me to try and ensure that I'm being objective about everything.

Eating disorders, like all other mental health issues, are serious and everyone should be informed and open to all the avenues of treatment and recovery.  Be aware of your relationship with food and, if you feel like you need help, there are a myriad of resources out there for you to seek the help you need.

Check out NationalEatingDisorders.org  or nedawareness.org for more information.  Or talk to someone you love.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Screw you, immune system!

I'm sick. AGAIN.  I swear people must think I go around licking door knobs and dirty tissues with the way I am constantly catching one bug or another.

I'm not.  I swear.

I eat a good diet. I exercise. I wash my hands. I don't share food willy nilly.  I drink my water. I take my vitamins.  I do all the good things! I just can't seem to stay healthy.

It's driving me insane.

This time around it's a sinus infection and a generic throat infection. NOT STREP, PRAISE THE LORDS AND LADIES.

I woke up Friday morning and I had a lump in the back of throat, left side only.  My throat was all raw and icky.  I was not happy. Started popping Zicam and taking emergen-c and went about my day.  Through the work day I started to feel grosser but I had things to do. A birthday party to make happen.

I left work a little after 4 and headed on to get the birthday party stuff picked up and set up at the studio.  All done. Party time - I had the first 3 songs of the night.  An 8 minute warmup, one dance song and one fitness song.  I felt like I was going to pass out through all three.  Once I was done, I watched, I took pics and I enjoyed seeing all the love pour down on the Sarah.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, SARAH-BELLA!

I went to bed early Friday night with the knowledge that I had the whole weekend off to rest and get better.  That never happens, but Sue was the logical one and convinced me to cancel my TurboKick class Saturday morning and offered to take my Sunday class in my place.  So from 7:15 Friday through 7:45 Monday I would have nothing to do but just be.  Oh, how I appreciated that.

Because Saturday morning I was SICK.  My face was puffy, my left eye was twitchy, I had no voice and I felt like I was hit by a truck.  I went on to Immediate Care.

At immediate care, I learned something interesting.  My tonsils have grown back! I had them out when I was 22 but apparently they came back. This could explain a lot of my health issues.  This was the root cause of a lot of issues up until they were yanked out.

Anyway - fully occluded left sinus cavity, fluid behind my left ear and pustules behind my tonsils.  NOT STREP but yeah. Sick.  Antibiotics. Go home. Rest.

Yesterday I enjoyed a nice lunch out with folks before diving in to movies and TV watching before an early bed time.

I watched:

1. The Possession
2. Sound of my Voice
3. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
4. Looper
5. Step Up: Revolutions
6. House at the End of the Street.

And tomorrow I will watch: Hotel Transylvania!

I feel well rested and very blessed to have had a weekend to take care of me.  I'm off work tomorrow and am going to rest some more and hopefully I will be back at 100% by the time I go to class tomorrow night.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Lent.

Last year, for Lent, I gave up bread products. I am doing it again this year with an addition - pasta.

But, I am nothing if not an over analyzer and after issues with defining bread last year, I decided to be very specific this year.

So. For the next 40 days and 40 nights I will not be eating:
Sandwich or sub bread
Rolls
Biscuits
Garlic bread or bread sticks
Crackers
Spaghetti or any form of regular pasta
Ravioli

Things that are borderline but allowed:
Wheat wraps or corn quesadillas
Corn based bread like products (I need something other than meat for breakfast! Corn cakes, go!)

I guess what I'm trying to give up is white flour based items. I'm sad about not being able to nom the rest of the perogies that are in my freezer.

But alas.

I'm also adding in a plank a day to my day to day activities and got a friend in on the action.

I'm feeling good about this. Scared, but good.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

A humbling experience...

First, let me say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me since my last post with words of caring, compassion and offers of ears and shoulders if they are needed. Every single well wish and offer has reminded me that no matter how alone I feel ... I am loved and I am part of something special. Two something's, actually - the Zumba community and the FitBloggin community.

Much love to you all. <3

So today I was part of a wonderful event that brought me home to the basics of fitness and left me feeling full of joy and contentment.

A while back a student from the YMCA gave my name to a contact with the North Carolina Deaf Blind Association. They wanted to do a Zumba fundraiser for their summer camp this year - I figured we'd do a normal Zumbathon and it'd be awesome. What it became was truly amazing,

Today we did an all day Funky Fun Fitness day. Multiple, concurrent, fitness classes for all ages and levels of fitness. The schedule went like this:

Block 1 - Teleasha did Zumba and I did Zumbatomic.
Block 2 - Val did Zumba while Sue did a chair Zumba Gold class.
Block 3 - Sarah did Zumba while I did Zumbatomic.
Block 4 - Supposed to be a karate demo and class. I wound up teaching Zumba.
Block 5 - I did TurboKick with Brianna taught Yoga.

We started at 9:30 and I finished up at 3:30. Owwwwwwwwwww!

It was amazing. All of the classes were fun and energetic. It was just - incredible. It was also fully, totally and amazingly exhausting. I've been barely functional since getting home.

Tonight I've been trying to chill out, veg out, and turn off. But my head and heart are just out of control. There was just so much love and community in that room today. I even picked up some new sign language! It was just a joy to participate in this event.

I am so honored to have been there, teaching and learning from the Deaf/Blind community. It's rekindled my desire to keep learning how to be a better instructor, to be a better community member, and to learn ASL and Spanish.

When I was younger I picked up a bit from my sister when she was taking classes to be an interpreter and I was getting close to fluent in Spanish in college. Now to dust off one skills and learn more!!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A confession...

I'm depressed.  It's not all "woah is me" and the "world is ending" depression but I am dealing with a bad round of depression.

Nothing in my life is particularly bad right now.  I just had an amazing weekend with my Trio Fitness family.  Work is mostly good minus some stress about one working relationship. I'm seeing progress in my strength and muscle tone even if my weight isn't moving.  I'm healthy, for the most part.  I have big plans for travel in the next few months.  There's so much good stuff happening.

Life is really quite good.

But I am in a funk I can't snap out of.  I wake up in the morning and I have to spend 15-20 minutes convincing myself to get out of bed.  I grump my way to the car to go to work.  I get work done but I feel empty, and alienated by my coworkers even though I know I'm not.  I even have to psych myself up every day before Zumba class.  I know that once I get there I'm going to feel awesome but the thought going to class even makes me a little bummed.

I just feel ...Dull. Lifeless. Listless.

I called the doc to ask about upping my dosage of Zoloft and he said not until I come in for my next visit and he will likely wind up changing me to a different medicine all together as I'm already on the highest dose. I was hoping to hold off till I go back in March but I think I need to go see him sooner but I feel like I don't want to make a big deal out of having the blues.

I'm taking my B vitamins like a good girl and my D to help with the lack o sunshine this time of year to stave off the seasonal affective disorder.  I'm eating well (most of the time) and still eating comfort foods when I want them.

It just sucks to feel so blah... It's 9 at night and I'm in bed and really sad that I'm not already asleep.  I just want to feel normal again.  
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